life as they call it

what am i doing with my life?

i want to do so much.

i wanted to do so much.

i still want to do soo many things.

my dream is little things.

things like….going to to london and watching wimbeldon at center court. watch the french open in paris. watch the english premier league. attend foreign film fetsivals. go to europe. go to spain. italy. france. go to little places and towns and cities of europe.

own a restaurant. have a boy in my life who lives these dreams with me. go for a long drive. dont care about what people say. live my life the way i want to. i wanted to. i dreamt that i would. i dream that i would. i dream that i will.

i dont want the stress of a parent with a problem. i want to do things when i want to do them. when i feel like doing them. i dont want lots of money. i earn decent money. i dont want a bitch of a boss. i want to enjoy my job. its a job. i dont want to take stress for it. its a job. you do it, you get paid and you get over it.

im sick of the same old routine day in and day out.

its draining. its exhausting. as strange as this may sound but the same old routine drains me more than a new challenge.

we have changed the rules of life.

now the rules are:

study. get good grades. graduate with good grades. get a good job. get married. have children.

thats the purpose we are living for. where is it getting people? where does it get anyone? where has it taken anyone?

absolutely fucking nowhere.

i am 27 years old. female. single. have a good job. graduated with good grades. purpose of my life and others around me these days?

take a wild freakin guess.

yes. to get me married. that is all that is on everyone’s mind.

so i get married. then what?

of course, children.

so i have children. then what?

probably be unhappy in my marriage since i didnt have time for my husband because we were too busy having children as per our purpose in life and he is now having an affair with a younger woman who gives him attention and cares for his needs.

im not a cynical or a pessimist. but its just too common. its just too unfair that we dont have a right on our own lives. in this society, we live for our parents, our siblings, our friends, our family, our bosses, everyone under the sun but ourselves. we’ve made our lives hell. we’ve made others lives miserable. and what do we get out of it? momentary happiness? a few moments of gossip? and then what?

im annoyed. im frustrated. im drained. im a dreamer. im an optimist. im emotional. im disturbed. im tired. im full of ideas. im waiting.