yesterday i got in to work and my assistant told me that one of our porters was coming to work, he had just recently gotten a new bike, he was taking jail road to get in to work and at the signal this guy came, threw him off his bike, took the bike, shot him and left.

the porter died on the spot.

all i was thinking was wtf?

we are having a cricket tournament at work between departments. so one of the senior managers e-mailed and said maybe we should not have a match today because of the death of one of our employees, who was part of the family.

no one replied and the match went on as per schedule.

my entire department did not go to even watch the match or practice that day. we all quietly went home.

it just left me wondering though, have we become so insensitive that now loss of a life doesn’t even make our heart skip a beat anymore?

my brothers, my mother, my father, and my cousins…we were about 10 people who sat through the entire wimbeldon final last night and oh Holy jesus!

what a FAN FREAKIN TASTIC match that was!!

i have been talking about it all day at work and i dreamt of it when i finally went to sleep at around 4am.

Nadal maybe awesome but Federer really is the greatest. The way he came back from 2 sets down to bring the match to a 5 set match, and a couple of extra games over that. phenomenal. just simply brilliant.

those of you who missed it, you don’t know what brilliance you guys missed.

that was history that we witnessed last night. 4 and a half hours of heart stopping tennis.

it has been my dream to watch Wimbledon, and before Federer retires, which just might happen in a couple of years- i am going to start saving up for wimbledon and french open next year. i have a feeling Federer will kick some ass next year on clay. he has to. he is the greatest of all times. he has to have all 5 grand slams in his basket before he does that.

so 2009 – Federer and i will surely be there!

what am i doing with my life?

i want to do so much.

i wanted to do so much.

i still want to do soo many things.

my dream is little things.

things like….going to to london and watching wimbeldon at center court. watch the french open in paris. watch the english premier league. attend foreign film fetsivals. go to europe. go to spain. italy. france. go to little places and towns and cities of europe.

own a restaurant. have a boy in my life who lives these dreams with me. go for a long drive. dont care about what people say. live my life the way i want to. i wanted to. i dreamt that i would. i dream that i would. i dream that i will.

i dont want the stress of a parent with a problem. i want to do things when i want to do them. when i feel like doing them. i dont want lots of money. i earn decent money. i dont want a bitch of a boss. i want to enjoy my job. its a job. i dont want to take stress for it. its a job. you do it, you get paid and you get over it.

im sick of the same old routine day in and day out.

its draining. its exhausting. as strange as this may sound but the same old routine drains me more than a new challenge.

we have changed the rules of life.

now the rules are:

study. get good grades. graduate with good grades. get a good job. get married. have children.

thats the purpose we are living for. where is it getting people? where does it get anyone? where has it taken anyone?

absolutely fucking nowhere.

i am 27 years old. female. single. have a good job. graduated with good grades. purpose of my life and others around me these days?

take a wild freakin guess.

yes. to get me married. that is all that is on everyone’s mind.

so i get married. then what?

of course, children.

so i have children. then what?

probably be unhappy in my marriage since i didnt have time for my husband because we were too busy having children as per our purpose in life and he is now having an affair with a younger woman who gives him attention and cares for his needs.

im not a cynical or a pessimist. but its just too common. its just too unfair that we dont have a right on our own lives. in this society, we live for our parents, our siblings, our friends, our family, our bosses, everyone under the sun but ourselves. we’ve made our lives hell. we’ve made others lives miserable. and what do we get out of it? momentary happiness? a few moments of gossip? and then what?

im annoyed. im frustrated. im drained. im a dreamer. im an optimist. im emotional. im disturbed. im tired. im full of ideas. im waiting.

i’m here and i hope to enjoy my stay here.